Get your Teenager to Talk to You

When you child was little and wanted all of your attention, you probably never thought you’d be asking How to get your teenager to talk to you? Am I right? But, it’s a question that moms often find puzzling and challenging. As a coach for moms navigating life with teenagers, I’ve seen many highs and lows. We know our kids need us now more than ever, but we don’t know what exactly what they need or how they need to receive it.

The teenage years are a bit like a maze filled with emotions, hormones, and changing identities. Yet, understanding your teenager’s needs are the key to building a stronger connection. Today, we’ll chat about methods to open up communication so that your teen is more likely to share and you are less in the dark what they need. We’ll start with some simple strategies – some obvious and some maybe counter-intuitive – on how to get your teenager to talk to you.

Your teenager talks to everyone else

You know what I’m talking about. They come home with their friends, laughing and chatting up a storm. As soon as they come into the kitchen by themselves to get snacks and you ask one simple, caring question, you get a one word answer and then they rush out of the room. It’s like your teen hates you (they don’t, I promise).

Timing is important

The right timing matters for good communication. Pick moments when your teenager is relaxed and open. Don’t bombard them with questions the moment they walk in and give them space when they’re with their friends. Instead, find natural times, like during a shared activity or a quiet evening at home. This helps them see you as supportive, not someone interrogating them.

Teens’ lives are turbulent

Imagine your teenager’s mind as a treasure chest full of thoughts, dreams, and worries. They are trying to figure out who they are, who they can trust and who they want to be. They’re often conflicted and confused about what they need so start by making a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves. Studies show that teens are more likely to open up when they feel safe and not judged. You hate being judged, so give them that grace, as well. Make an environment where they feel heard, valued, and free from criticism.

Active Listening

Teens often feel misunderstood, making communication tricky. Use active listening tricks to bridge this gap. When wondering how to talk to your teenage son or daughter, give them your full attention. Look them in the eyes, nod in understanding, and reply thoughtfully. This shows you’re genuinely interested, encouraging them to share more openly.

One size does not fit all

If you’re a parent of more than one child, you know that they can be surprisingly different even though they’ve grown up in the same household. I’m going to address this as boys vs. girls, but feel free to apply the solutions based on your kids particular situation, regardless of gender. They key is get your teenager to talk so whatever that looks like for you.

Teenage Boys

To understand how to talk to your teenage son, recognize their growing independence and identity. They are growing into a man but don’t feel equipped just yet and aren’t sure how to respond to that.

1. Shared Activities: Boys often talk better during shared activities than face-to-face. Engage in things they enjoy, whether it’s sports, video games, or a walk. These shared moments create a chance for good conversation.
2. Respect their Independence: As sons grow up, respecting their need for independence is crucial. Guide them without being too controlling, and encourage them to make decisions. Allow them to make decisions and resolve mistakes. This helps them feel empowered and strengthens your bond.

Teenage Girls

Now, let’s dive into connecting with teenage daughters. They often feel that no one understands them so they best approach is to focus on building trust, empathy, and understanding.

1. Open Dialogue: Girls often appreciate open dialogue. Create times for heart-to-heart talks, over tea, shopping or watching her favorite movie. Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings, laying the foundation for a strong, supportive connection.
2. Acknowledge their Emotions: Girls go through lots of emotions. Even if you don’t fully understand, acknowledge their feelings. Show empathy and let them know their emotions are respected. This builds a sense of security and openness.

Conclusion

Understanding what your teenager needs can be like navigating a maze. So, How do you get your teenager to talk to you? By creating a safe space, using active listening, not forcing the conversation and considering the unique dynamics of your child. Remember, this is all part of them growing into the beautiful human you have been raising them to be. While frustrating at times, embrace the challenge of communicating with your teen, for within its twists and turns lies the key to building lasting bonds that you will both treasure forever.

If you want to read everything I’ve learned from high achieving women and ensure you are showing up to the conversations the way you want, download my Free Guide here.