Jeopardy Category: Simplify your life; Answer: Why do I feel so out of control?; Logical Question: Texts are flying, emails are pouring in, there are piles of laundry in the hallway, your kids needed to be somewhere 15 minutes ago and you have no idea what’s for dinner. Does that feel about right?
I can feel it, too, but let’s chat about something that’s likely contributing to the overall feeling. You want your family to have the best life, you have a vision in your head for what that looks like and you try to control everything around you so that the outcome matches your vision. How close am I?
Life becomes more full as your kids get older and you don’t see any way to simplify your life AND for them to still have the life you want for them. And because it’s your vision, you feel responsible for making sure that it’s all happening.
58% of moms report they are primarily responsible for the duties of running a household and caring for children, up 2% over 2022.
– 2023 State of Motherhood survey
Moms Want to Control Everything
Picture this: You’re work hard in your career, making decisions and getting things done. You’re supporting co-workers and/or clients, creating success and getting kudos along the way. And when you come home (or log out, if that’s actually a thing), there’s more stuff to do – cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, driving carpool, and taking care of everyone. It’s like a whirlwind, and sometimes, you start to feel like you need to control every little thing to keep it all together.
You want things to be perfect for your family and yourself. As a responsible Mom you might think that if you don’t control everything, things will fall apart. You want to be the best mom in the world. Newsflash – They won’t, but you need to ask for help. Moms are human, not superheroes! It’s okay to ask for help and let go of some control.
Why is it so Hard to Simplify Your Life?
As a responsible, loving Mom you want your family to have the perfect life, too. It’s like when you’re driving along and all of a sudden you enter a school zone. As hard as you try, slowing down to school zone speed feels like you’re in a time warp. It just doesn’t feel right. It’s the same going from buttoned up by day to laid back at night. It takes a little bit of time. Like when you go on vacation and are just starting to feel relaxed, and when it’s time to go home and jump back into work life. (I hope you’re relaxing on vacation.)
When you have a vision for how you expect things to be, trying to control the outcome, seems like the most logical move. If you ask someone else to be in control of it, there’s a good chance it won’t be. I challenge you to ask yourself if the vision is that important.
What if the clothes or towels don’t get folded perfectly? Or dinner is ready at 7pm instead of 6:30pm? Or grandma’s birthday gift is not quite what you would have gotten? No one will get injured or die from any of those outcomes. So why not let someone else be in charge of some of those things? The important part is to be thankful that it’s no longer on your plate and that you don’t have to worry about it. Show appreciation for whomever has taken it over and move on.
Instead of asking yourself, Why do I feel so out of control?, try asking Where am I ok letting go of control?
Simplify Your Life: Letting Go and Finding Balance
Start with a list of everything you do. I mean Everything! There’s probably at least one thing on that list that you can just stop doing. This is a great first step to simplify your life.
Next look at the list of things that you do around the house. Find one thing you can hand off, ask nicely and frame it as a win-win (hint: you’ll be calmer). Then step back and let it go.
Both my boys played competitive soccer. I was the point person for everything. Registration, try-outs, payments for tournaments, communication from the team mom & coaches, it all came to me. My husband was just as capable of handling it as I was, so I asked him to own it all. There was some gentle reminding required early on that I was not responding to anything and I requested that he get his own Venmo account so that I didn’t have to execute any of the transactions. But, he took it over and it was huge help!
Where can you ask for help? And where can you say No? In my house my kids are capable of doing almost everything I can and I don’t hesitate to ask for their support. They do their own laundry (I stopped caring whether it actually gets back into their drawers or not), I ask them to make dinner some nights, and even asked my older one to drive carpool for the younger one when I needed the help.
Asking for help not only benefits you, but it shows your family that you trust them and teaches them some new skills.
Conclusion
As Moms we can ending up trying to control not only work responsibilities, but everything in our family’s lives. And then wonder, Why do I feel so out of control? You feel out of control because you are trying to control more than you should. Acknowledge that you are human, ask for help and let go of the outcomes. Allow others to step up so that you can step down. Everyone will enjoy a more calm, less-controlling mom. Especially you.
Check out my free guide on the 7 Essential Traits of High Achieving Women for more insight.
My FREE Feed Your Soul guide will help you reinvigorate so you can start feeling like yourself again.
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I’ve been coaching people to be their best for over twenty years and love seeing them thrive as they adjust the lens they’re looking through. As a mom of teengaers, I realized that I could use my talent to help moms feel less frustrated, isolated and defeated as their kids navigate the challenging teen years. Helping my clients improve their relationship with themselves and honor their needs is my superpower. You’ll love how your energy shifts and your interactions become more positive after working together! I’m excited for you to experience more peace and confidence and live the life you’re meant to live.
