How often do you feel that you’re out of control? That your plate is full of things to manage, do or schedule that you can never get to all of it? And then not only are you exhausted, but your relationship with your kids and partner suffer because you are stressed out and resentful? That’s when you start telling yourself that you’re not enough.
That was me. I felt so overwhelmed that I tried holding onto everything even tighter. And it repelled the most important people in my life. I knew it was up to me to turn that around. Keep reading to learn just how I did that and now have better connections with my teenagers than I’ve ever had.
Let go
The first step in taking back control, was to let go of control. Not of everything but of the things I really had no control over anyway. Things like my teens grades, their extra-curricular interests or what they ate for lunch. And then I let go of the things that weren’t that important in the grand scheme of things. The chaos in their bedroom is a great example. Bonus, when you hand over control and choice it demonstrates trust and can actually improve your relationship.
Next, I looked at the things I did around the house and evaluated whether I was uniquely qualified to do them or if someone else could. I started delegating big time. That is when my kids began doing their own laundry. When you start delegating, prepare yourself to let go of your expectation for how it will turn out. You don’t want to micromanage the things you are letting go of. That just causes more frustration for everyone. Teach, guide and let it be good enough.
Then I inspected the things I’d said yes to outside the house with the same lens. I also evaluated them against my values to ensure my energy was in alignment with what was important to me. If you haven’t done an intentional values assessment, I encourage you to look into it. It will help you understand why connection might be breaking down and give you tools to better communicate with your family. This is one of the big light bulb moments I get to witness with my clients.
More in control
As I loosened my grip on what I was trying to control, I felt more in control. I realized that how I showed up in my relationships with my teenagers and my husband was way more important than what got done or how things turned out, in most cases. By allowing them the space to lead, learn and grow, we grew closer together. I no longer focus on what isn’t getting done, but on what’s important and how much my energy can make a difference.
Instead of feeling out of control, I now feel more connected and peaceful. I have more time to focus on what lights me up and can show up more open and authentic in all of my relationships. Perfection is no longer a focus. But instead I prioritize balance and lean into growth. I definitely learn something new every day.
Conclusion
For the most part control is an illusion. The only thing you can really control is you. Lean into this and let go of everything else. Easier said than done, I know. For more insight on what this might look like, grab my free guide on the 7 Essential Traits of High Achieving Women and let me know your biggest a-ha.
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I’ve been coaching people to be their best for over twenty years and love seeing them thrive as they adjust the lens they’re looking through. As a mom of teengaers, I realized that I could use my talent to help moms feel less frustrated, isolated and defeated as their kids navigate the challenging teen years. Helping my clients improve their relationship with themselves and honor their needs is my superpower. You’ll love how your energy shifts and your interactions become more positive after working together! I’m excited for you to experience more peace and confidence and live the life you’re meant to live.
