Help! My Husband and I Parent Differently

I’ve been married to the same man for over 23 years and we have two amazing sons together, yet I am still surprised that my husband and I often parent so differently. We come together on most things, but we each rely on our own experiences; our own journeys of learning about what works and what doesn’t. And that journey isn’t the same.

To be honest, sometimes I’m a bit jealous of how well my husband can relate to our boys. That alone allows him to parent in a different way than I can. And when I feel resentful about how close they are, I realize it’s actually a really good thing! Having a role model that they can count on is especially important for teenage boys.

But I digress….The point is you’re not alone in worrying about how your husband, or partner, and you parent differently and how to work through that. It could be, like with my husband, that they have a different relationship that allows for a different style. Whatever the situation, by embracing these differences, you can create a harmonious and effective parenting approach. Today I’ll delve deeper into how these differences can actually be a strength, how to choose which parenting battles to fight, and the crucial importance and opportunity of prioritizing yourself.

Different doesn’t mean bad

1. Embrace Your Unique Parenting Styles

One of the first steps in dealing with the fact that my husband and I parent differently was recognizing that we both have unique strengths and approaches. Instead of viewing these differences as roadblocks, we began to see them as opportunities to provide our teens with a well-rounded upbringing.

For example, my husband is fantastic at connecting with our teens on a personal level. He’s good at sharing his emotions and can relate to them that way. I tend to be more structured and organized. I’m the go-to person for setting boundaries, helping with homework, and ensuring our teens stay on track with their responsibilities.

By appreciating these distinct parenting styles, we found that they complemented each other beautifully. We realized that our children could benefit from a blend of both approaches. So, instead of trying to change each other, we decided to work together as a team, each of us focusing on our strengths.

It’s important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Our children are unique individuals, and what works for one may not work for another. By embracing your unique styles, you create a more adaptable and responsive environment for your teens. They see that you and your partner have different but equally valuable contributions to their upbringing.

2. Choose Your Parenting Battles Wisely

Parenting involves making countless decisions, and you just need to realize that you can’t agree on parenting approaches every single time. That’s where compromise comes into play. Sit down with your partner and discuss which topics you both feel particularly strongly about.

For instance, if you’re passionate about your teen’s education, you can take the lead in academic matters. Your partner, in turn, can handle sports, hobbies, or extracurricular activities. This division of responsibilities not only prevents unnecessary conflicts but also demonstrates to your kids that you trust each other’s judgment. It shows them that mom and dad are a united front even when they have different perspectives.

Moreover, when you choose your battles wisely, you conserve valuable energy for the issues that truly matter. Adolescents often test boundaries and experiment with their independence. These moments are prime opportunities for you and your partner to be on the same page. Saving your energy for these critical moments can make your parenting more effective and less stressful.

Consider creating a list of non-negotiables with your partner. These are the core values and boundaries that you both agree on and will not compromise. By having a shared understanding of these principles, you can confidently navigate the parenting challenges that arise.

3. Invest in Yourself and Your Future

As moms, we often put our children’s needs before our own. We juggle school activities, social events, and the teenage drama, sometimes to the point where we forget about ourselves. Instead of channeling energy into frustration by not being included in some conversations, realize that by not handling everything, you can redirect your energy towards yourself. Allow others to help and let go.

Struggling to let go can often be at the root of some of these parenting conflicts. While you will always be a parent, now that your kids are teenagers, you have more time to start envisioning your future. Think about what your life will look like once your kids have moved on to adulthood. What dreams and aspirations have you put on hold?

Use this time to rediscover your passions, set new goals, and visualize the future you want. By doing so, you can start feeling that way now. Whether it’s pursuing a career change, embarking on a new adventure, or simply enjoying the freedom to explore your interests, the possibilities are endless.

Your children are growing and becoming more independent, which means you have the opportunity to reclaim some of your time and focus on your personal growth. This isn’t about neglecting your responsibilities as a parent; it’s about striking a balance and ensuring that you, too, are fulfilled.

When you invest in yourself, you become a happier and more fulfilled person. This, in turn, positively impacts your parenting. You’ll be better equipped to guide your teens towards independence, knowing that you’re also pursuing your own dreams and aspirations. And, you’ll be setting an example of a life well-lived.

Conclusion

If you find yourself getting frustrated because you and your husband (or partner) parent differently, remember that it’s not a problem to solve but an opportunity to seize. Embrace your unique parenting styles, choose your battles wisely, and redirect your energy toward self-investment and envisioning your future. By working together and valuing each other’s strengths, you’ll create a loving and supportive family environment where your teens can thrive, and you can flourish as parents and individuals.

Parenting is a dynamic and ever-evolving journey. Your teens will grow and change, and so will your parenting strategies. Embracing these changes together with your partner will not only strengthen your relationship but also provide your teens with a stable and loving environment to navigate their adolescent years. So, take a deep breath, trust in your abilities as parents, and enjoy this incredible journey of guiding your teenagers towards adulthood while nurturing your own dreams along the way.