Life After Kids: Defining your next move

Life after kids doesn’t really start the moment your house is empty. I mean, technically that could be the definition, but what about the period before that. The increased independence of your teen, their new social circle, and the ability to drive themselves where they need to be. That typically means more of your time is freed up to focus on whatever you want. 

To some this can feel like a loss of control. You’re not at the center of our teen’s world anymore. You may struggle to influence their decisions leading to a sense that you’re out of control. But if I can be honest, you can’t truly control most of their world anyway. And trying to is what leads to this feeling of being out of control. And the more you try to control their decisions and actions, the less influence you have with them. When they don’t feel that you have confidence in them, they turn to others who will validate them. 

This takes me back to the topic of this blog, life after kids. Your teens are growing and moving into the next phase of their life. Instead of trying to tug and force and coach them into what’s next for them, be there for support and use the extra time and energy to work on what’s next for you. It’s not about abandoning your child, but creating a healthy dynamic that allows you both to grow in the directions meant for each of you.

Reacquaint Yourself

So what does this next phase look like for you? Have you stopped to think about it yet? Maybe you want to take on more responsibility in your career or start a new one. Perhaps, you want to start a business or travel the world. I’ve found that the women who haven’t thought this through by the time they’re kids leave the house, have the toughest time. They are the ones who are lost. 

Don’t get me wrong, letting go and seeing your kids move on is rough. It’s everything you’ve worked for, but takes time getting used to. However, if you start to think about your life without them in a proactive way before they leave, the transition is shorter. This is when you can focus on yourself again and start having more fun.

Remember when you said that having kids wasn’t going to change you? Ha! Well, now you get to decide what you do with the person you’ve become.

Your Vision for Life After Kids

Most of us have dreams or maybe a bucket list. But what about a vision for your life after kids that draws you in? One that pulls you forward. That’s where the fun begins. A vision creates excitement and motivation. As you take one step forward at a time, the momentum builds. But where do you start?

Following are suggestions on how to create a vision that pulls you where you’re meant to go:

1. The chaos of raising a family can pull you away from your core values. Many people aren’t clear on what their core values are to start with, so begin there. Your core values are defined by experiences in your early life and generally don’t change. Just this has exercise been a game changer for so many of my clients.
2. Once you are clear on your core values, inspect your life today to understand where there are discrepancies. That’s where you’ll find your biggest opportunities. Think of your core values as street signs pointing you in direction you’re meant to go.
3. Next, identify where your core values show up in the dreams you have for your life. If you’ve done the work to understand where your core values come from, these should pop right out.
4. Now get specific on what your vision is. Hold that in your mind and identify the next right step that aligns with that. As you take that step, you should feel a higher vibrational energy if it is in alignment with your core values. That’s where the excitement and motivation begin. If you don’t feel it, that step is probably not aligned with your core values. But that’s ok. Keep trying things on.

Continue taking steps, paying attention to what excites you and what doesn’t. Adjust your vision as you learn more. Don’t get too caught up on exactly what you think the journey should look like. The opportunities that come your way may not be the ones you’d expected but could be even better. And of course, embrace the experience. The growth and new perspectives will continue to propel you forward.

Conclusion

You’ve spent a significant amount of your life as a mom and you should be proud of that. But don’t forget that you were someone before your kids came along. Life after kids is your opportunity to get to know her again; to understand what she wants for herself; to reward yourself for all of your hard work and enjoy your life for you. If you’re not sure what your best next step is, reach out for a free discovery call. I’m happy to chat and discover if I can help.