Embracing Authenticity: Exploring the Joys and Challenges of Living Life on Your Own Terms

I’ll be honest, I never paid too much attention to the lyrics of Bon Jovi’s It’s My Life. But, I did resonate with the chorus. His message is that he is living his life on his terms. It’s his life and he can do what he wants. I 100% subscribe to that concept. Another perspective is that it’s your life – Act like it. We often live our lives according to the expectations of others or live it through someone else’s life, like our kids. If that’s you, ask what that approach is costing you.

When you think about life, it’s a series of transitions. Some are forced on you like puberty, losing a job, or your child moving out. Others are kicked off by an action you take like getting married, starting a business, or moving to a new town. Additionally, there are many smaller changes happening all the time that require you to shift and grow. Each of them give you an opportunity to respond in the way that best serves you.

I learned early on that if I wanted something, I had to take action. This is what led me to move across the country/world three times (almost four) and ultimately leave a successful career. Some people see me as brave, but I see myself as taking control. I’m not afraid to give myself permission to do what I want. And I’m going to share with you why you shouldn’t be either.

The Cost of Waiting for your Life

Change can be uncomfortable. Because of that, we often hesitate waiting for the perfect moment to instigate change. The truth is, there is no perfect time and you could be waiting a very long time, or forever. Listen, I’m not shaming you for managing risk. You definitely should. But there’s a point where analysis leads to paralysis. You don’t have to have everything figured out before you take a step.

In a survey by Daniel Pink, regrets of omission (not taking action) outnumbered regrets of commission (taking action) by more than 3 to 1. This indicates that people overwhelmingly regret the opportunities they didn’t pursue rather than the mistakes they made while trying something new. This insight underscores the importance of taking chances and embracing change, as regrets often stem from not pursuing what truly matters to you.

On top of that, hesitation can lead to resentment and frustration. While you are deciding not to take action, others are. They are living the life they want. Your partner, your kids and everyone else are not apologizing for it or thanking you for stepping aside. They expect that you will speak up and take the steps that allow you to live the life you want.

Can you think of a time when you held back at work or at home because someone else might need something from you? Or because you were waiting for someone to offer it to you? Or maybe just because you were scared? We all have. Confidence increases as you take action. Don’t wait for a mid-life crisis. Take one step, learn, and do it again. 

Stepping into the Unknown of Life

Five years ago, I resigned from my corporate career. I enjoyed my job and my position, but wanted to be more available for my kids, so I quit. It was definitely scary. As the consistent bread winner with company benefits, a mortgage and 6 mouths to feed (including our pets), it was a big leap. I had an idea of what I wanted to do next, but nothing was guaranteed. And I was surprised by what unfolded.

When my boss asked me what he could do to get me to stay, I responded with “Maybe a part-time position,” not expecting to be taken seriously. He did come back after some thought to say that he would likely overstep part-time boundaries so couldn’t honor that idea. However, another group in the company reached out and asked me to coach their organization part-time. Half the salary, all the benefits, and much more free time. Honestly, I was shocked. I had never met anyone at the company who worked part-time, other than consultants. I was excited! Spending more time with my kids and staying connected to my career was what I’d really wanted.

That’s one of the things about taking on change, you’re never certain how it’s going to turn out. This uncertainty holds many of us back. We get stuck on the potential negative things that could happen and gloss over the positive opportunities when we actually have the skills to navigate any unanticipated events. You may not realize this, but often we create reality simply by what we believe about ourselves.

Zero Point University found that our beliefs create a cyclical feedback loop between perception and behavior. For example, if someone believes they are a poor public speaker, they are less likely to engage in speaking opportunities, reinforcing their belief and ensuring they never develop those skills. Conversely, believing in one’s competence encourages behavior that results in positive experiences, which further strengthens the initial belief. This loop shows how our subconscious mind shapes our reality based on the beliefs we hold. Basically, when you believe you can figure something out, you are more likely to.

You Get to Choose your Life

It’s YOUR life. You not only get to decide what you do with it, but you are responsible for doing so. Not having the life you want, is no one else’s fault. Everything in life is about how you respond to it. Easier said than done, you think? Start thinking about what you actually want. Do you even know? The best way to get clear on what you want is by using all of your senses. How does it look, feel, smell, sound, and taste? Once you have that clarity, pick one area of your life and identify the smallest change you can make in the direction that aligns with your vision.

My big moves – moving to Spain at 24, Chicago at 27, quitting jobs with a 2-month old and moving to Denver, leaving my corporate career, now selling most of our possessions and moving to Spain have all been a series of small moves. Take a step, evaluate, and reposition. Your path will never be straight. It can’t be because you need to learn along the way. The lessons and growth are what make your life exciting and worthwhile. Think of your life as a book. Would you read a book where every chapter was the same? Of course not! So why would you write one?

A Call to Action

It’s my life and it’s your life. They are distinct. Decide what you want for you. Not what you want for your kids or your partner (that can be added in later). You can’t be the best version of you unless you are being you, doing you, and living your life.

It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
It’s my life

-Bon Jovi

Decide to take one small step today. You and everyone you love are worth it.

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