Getting Help with Chores

Breaking Free from the To-Do List Tangle

Have you scrolled through social media lately and stumbled upon rants from overwhelmed women expressing frustration because they feel like they’re doing everything in their household and no one even offers to help with household chores? From planning and shuttling kids around to grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning, it can seem like there’s no end to the list of responsibilities, and the lack of appreciation only adds to the strain. If you’ve found yourself nodding along in solidarity, you’re not alone. As women, we often shoulder the burden of ensuring everyone’s needs are met and everything runs smoothly.

Statistics show that a significant percentage of mothers are not only primary income earners but also handle the majority of household chores and manage finances. According to the State of Motherhood survey, 47% of mothers surveyed are primary income earners, meaning they contribute more than half of their household’s income. Additionally, the survey revealed that 50% still handle a majority of the household chores, and almost half (48%) are the family financial planners, responsible for paying bills and managing household finances. These numbers paint a clear picture of the disproportionate burden that many women face when it comes to household responsibilities.

So, you’re not imagining it. But here’s the thing: have you ever explicitly asked for help? Not in a frantic, exasperated “Why doesn’t anyone contribute around here?” kind of way, but in a clear, well-articulated manner? If not, you might unknowingly be perpetuating the cycle of lack of assistance in your family.

Empowering others to Help with Chores

As women, our nurturing instinct often drives us to support our families in every possible way. However, this desire to nurture can sometimes backfire and lead to overwhelm. It’s essential to recognize the difference between empowering and enabling our loved ones.

Enabling involves providing support that allows others to continue negative or unhealthy behaviors. This can occur unintentionally, such as avoiding conflict or feeling guilty about asking for help. For example, if your teenager reacts with frustration every time you assign a chore, you might find it easier to do it yourself. Similarly, if your partner spends weekends pursuing hobbies while leaving you with household chores, it can lead to resentment if not addressed.

On the other hand, empowerment entails helping others recognize their strengths and opportunities to contribute. It involves calmly articulating your needs and encouraging family members to take responsibility for their actions. For instance, rather than shouldering all household tasks, you can delegate responsibilities to capable family members.

Practical Steps to Delegate Chores

In my household, I’ve found that delegating chores to my teenagers not only lightens my load but also teaches them valuable life skills. Involving children in household chores has numerous benefits, including teaching responsibility, building self-esteem, and promoting a sense of belonging. Additionally, research shows that children who participate in household tasks tend to have higher academic success and better relationships with their parents.

When I feel overwhelmed, I take a quick break and figure what I can defer. Then I look at which tasks I can delegate, empowering others to take ownership. Additionally, when my teenagers encounter a challenge, I resist the urge to swoop in and solve everything for them. Instead, I offer guidance and support while encouraging them to find solutions independently. This approach not only reduces my workload but also fosters independence and problem-solving skills in my children.

Ask for Help by Resetting Expectations

If you’re constantly juggling multiple responsibilities and feeling overwhelmed, it could be time to reset expectations for who does what. Start with relinquishing control which can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling life. Remember, you don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders but you do need to let go of the outcome. Things don’t have the look the exact way you would do them. By sharing responsibilities and empowering your family members, you can create a harmonious household where everyone contributes and feels valued.

How to Ask

The goal is to make it a win-win. Instead of asking for help in the heat of the moment, let them know you want to talk about something at a later time. When you do get together, let them know how your burden is impacting you and your ability to show up the way you want for them. When they can take just some of that from your plate, you’ll be a kinder gentler person for them. Once you establish ownership of the tasks, think about a weekly check in so that everyone has a chance to voice their concerns, challenges and other opportunities. Frame this as a way to support each other in making the household as positive as possible for everyone.

Tips for asking

My guidance for getting your kids to help with chores is to establish clear expectations and routines from an early age. Make household time a part of the daily routine. Use positive reinforcement and praise when they complete their tasks, and consider implementing rewards for consistent participation.

As for getting your husband to help with chores, communication is key. Approach the topic calmly and constructively, expressing your feelings and needs clearly. Avoid accusations or blame, and focus on finding solutions together. Consider discussing a division of labor that feels fair and equitable to both parties, taking into account each other’s strengths and preferences.

Conclusion

Getting your family to help with chores doesn’t have to be an uphill battle filled with frustration and resentment. By adopting a collaborative approach, setting clear expectations, and empowering your loved ones, you can create a harmonious household where everyone contributes and feels valued. So, the next time you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath, delegate tasks, and remember that you’re not alone in this journey.