Finding Yourself Again: Your Personal Identity as a Mom

Finding yourself again might not land right with you because you didn’t realize you were lost. But as a Mom, you’ve been growing a ton since you first became a Mom and, if you’re like most of us, may have just landed where you are today. I don’t mean geographically, but in how you show up, who you surround yourself with, what activities you say yes to and the direction you’re going in life. You might be just trying to stay on the rails and reacting to life as best you can.

Honestly, in the chaos, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are outside of being a mom. I didn’t say before you were a mom, because you’ve learned so much and you want to use that knowledge to enhance your life. But juggling the demands of parenting, household chores, and perhaps even a career, leaves little time for self-reflection. Reflection on what you want now and what you want as you start letting go and your kids fly the coop. Yet, finding yourself is not only essential for your well-being but also for fostering a deeper connection with your children.

Who Are You?

According to the 2020 State of Motherhood survey by Motherly, 71% of moms report being “most strongly defined” by their motherhood. And those who are not in the workforce—87%—are more likely to feel this way. I’m sure you can list all of the roles you fill – mom, partner, daughter, friend, employee, boss, neighbor, taxi driver, etc. – but who are you? What are your values? What lights you up? How do you want to feel? What gifts do you want to share with the world? How do you want to show up? What do you want your life look like when it is no longer centered around your kids?

The sooner you contemplate those questions, the less lost you’ll feel when your kids do move onto their next chapter. But with all of the chaos, where do you find the time or energy for self-discovery and reconnection with yourself?

Finding Time to Find Yourself

If you want to find the time, you need to be intentional about it. Remember, this isn’t just about rediscovering the old you, but creating the women you’re meant to be. Start with one thing and go from there.

Set Aside “Me Time”: Carving out time for yourself is crucial in finding yourself as a mom. It doesn’t have to be hours on end; even a few minutes each day can make a significant difference. Whether it’s early morning meditation, a midday walk, or a quiet evening with a book, prioritize this time to focus on your own needs and desires.

Reflect on Your Passions: Take a moment to reflect on the activities or hobbies that once brought you joy. Did you have a passion for painting, writing, or dancing? Reconnecting with these interests can reignite your sense of self and provide a much-needed outlet for self-expression.

Explore New Interests: Motherhood offers a unique opportunity for personal growth and exploration. Use this time to try new things and discover hidden talents or interests. Whether it’s taking a cooking class, learning a new language, or joining a book club, stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to exciting discoveries about yourself.

Nurture Your Relationships: While being a mom is undoubtedly a central aspect of your identity, it’s important not to neglect other relationships in your life. Whether it’s with your partner, friends, or family members, investing time in meaningful connections can help you feel supported and understood, contributing to a greater sense of fulfillment.

Practice Self-Compassion: Motherhood often comes with its fair share of self-doubt and guilt. Remember to be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it’s okay to make mistakes. Embrace imperfection as part of the journey and focus on progress rather than perfection.

Prioritize Self-Care: Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity, especially for moms. Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine, whether it’s through exercise, healthy eating, adequate sleep, or simply taking time to relax and recharge.

Seek Support: Finding yourself as a mom can feel overwhelming at times, but you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Reach out to other moms who understand the challenges you’re facing and can offer support and encouragement along the way. Joining a support group or online community can provide a sense of belonging and solidarity.

Embrace Change: Motherhood is a transformative experience that inevitably changes you. Instead of resisting change, embrace it as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Embrace the evolution of your identity as you navigate the ups and downs of parenthood.

Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness is a powerful tool for reconnecting with yourself and staying present in the moment. Incorporate mindfulness practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or simply paying attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment into your daily routine.

Celebrate Your Journey: Finally, celebrate the progress you’ve made on your journey to finding yourself as a mom. It’s not going to happen overnight, but the small wins are worth celebrating. Reflect on how far you’ve come and acknowledge the strength and resilience it takes to balance motherhood with self-discovery. Remember, this is an ongoing process, and every step you take brings you closer to a deeper understanding of yourself.

I dig into these tips and more in my free guide on the 7 Essential Traits of High Achieving Women.

Conclusion

Finding yourself as a mom is not a one-time event but rather a continuous journey of self-discovery and growth. By setting aside time for yourself, exploring your passions, nurturing relationships, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support, you can reconnect with yourself and create a more fulfilling life for both you and your family. Embrace the changes that motherhood brings, and celebrate the unique journey that is yours alone.